Rapids Class VI

Every Roadrunner needs his Wile E. Coyote

I had one of those really stressful evenings yesterday, triple-booked, knowing that watching the Rapids beat down on Salt Lake was not in the plans. Instead I took my kids, 2 and 5 years old, to the Golden Sustainability Initiative Transportation Subcommittee meeting – in a fascinating but extremely non-kid-friendly house. Porcelain vases balanced on tiny pedestals and white cloth chairs with ripe red strawberries for snacks were just the beginning. As I said: stressful.

"I know. I KNOW! Baby blue's really starting to grow on me, too!

It was a great pleasure to finally sit down and realize the DVR had actually recorded a Colorado Rapids game successfully for a change. The first 30 seconds proved especially delightful as viewers saw a beautiful close-up of the Rocky Mountain Cup (RMC) and were reminded of the passion in which the teams have already met in competition to win it.

Colorado fans, current RMC stewards, had brought the trophy to Salt Lake to once again throw down the gauntlet, in the hopes that Salt Lake would step up in competition to create beautiful, solid, passion-filled soccer.

Tell me the RMC means nothing and I’ll understand that you have no passion, no drama, no soul. The instinctive desire to challenge for the tall, gleaming trophy has made grown men fight, rich owners explode in embarrassing red-faced PR rage, and pro players put that extra oomph into a good yellow card tackle.

All in the name of owning the right to be the winner of the Rocky Mountain Cup competition… and that was just the first two years! Mastroeni looked ready to repeat his shirt-off celebration and security was already lining up to keep RSL owner Checketts from draining his self-confidence any further.

“Every time you come to this venue, you wake up in the morning and my blood’s already going,” Mastroeni told the Deseret Morning News. “Who would’ve thought Salt Lake & Colorado…would have such a great rivalry.”

Ahem. The fans knew ;-) And we’re loving every minute of it!

And so, for the 2007 season, it is finally: GAME ON.

Eventually. Even with fast forward, Monday night’s game was never going to be considered instant gratification. The Rapids spent the first 20 minutes making RSL look almost as good as Ellinger thinks they are.

Of course, it’s one thing to wish you can fly. It’s a whole ‘nother thing to succeed.

Then, in the 33rd minute, it was Bouna Time! As an homage to the displaced RSL goalkeeper Nick Rimando’s embarrassing wandering last week against Chivas, Rapids netminder Bouna Coundoul charged out of his box towards the sideline to create a one-on-one defensive challenge with the talented Jeff Cunningham.

Turns out Cunni was the goat this week, and Bouna recovered.

Sorry son, this ball's only for grown-ups

The half time breather gave pause to all fans watching, a chance to remember that watching professional soccer on über-fast fake turf is almost always nearly unwatchable.

And the next twenty minutes of the second half neatly proved it.

Luckily, there’s always a “Jack Stewart” moment lurking around the corner. In this case, it was actually RSL’s Torres, but the mental mistake on the defender’s part was so big you could drive a Panamanian tank through it.

A tank known as Roberto Brown. And for those who haven’t watched the Panamanian Army do drills? Apparently it’s a lot like slapping the slow-mo button on your VCR. Brown went past Torres two or three times in his teasing run into the box, keeping possession as the hapless defender slid around on Central American banana peels.

Veteran Eddie Pope struggled to get free of Rapids Rookie signing and Generation Adidas hopeful Nico Colaluca but couldn’t get back in time to stop the slightly off-balance rocket by Brown’s One Man Army into the upper ninety.

RSL goalkeeper Chris Seitz said something that sounded a bit like his last name as RSL realized that playing for a 0-0 draw never worked for the Rapids and wasn’t about to work now.

Colaluca continued showing some impressive footwork and flashes of interest as the youngster started running at a back line stretched by the sudden need to score. He was integral in forcing the next Jack Stewart moment by RSL. This time, it actually *was* Jack Stewart who initiated an odd-looking pass back to Seitz, who took the bait and picked the ball up in the penalty area. Deliberate back pass.

Doh!

Indirect free kick for the Rapids in the 74th minute. Goal! No goal. Hercules Gomez slammed it home, but apparently you have to wait for a “whistle” as it is known in the industry.

Doh!

Try again. Indirect free kick in the 75th minute. Goal! No…. kidding! Yep, same plan, Hercules fires it in. This time RSL falls over themselves to put bodies in front of his cannon, and a heroic defender pays the price and blocks the shot. It leaks out to Colorado’s own Becks Beckerman, who whips his dreds around artfully before slamming home the insurance goal through the train wreck of 10 RSL defenders and a stunned rookie goalie.

What followed Beckerman’s hammer blow was the “Class Act of MLS Fandom” showing their true colors. To quote the RSL television announcer, “And here’s the exact thing we don’t need. Fan are throwing debris on the field.”

On a positive note, RSL finally showed some moxie after going down by two quality strikes and made for some great TV moments in the final 15 minutes of the game.

Rapids win 2-0 in the first RMC match-up of the season, gaining 3 points and an important +2 goal differential on the road.

Welcome to MLS. Every Penn needs his Teller. Every Laurel needs his Hardy. Every Roadrunner needs his Wile E. Coyote*.

For those who would like a few pix of the C-Firm road crew taking the trophy for some visual inspiration in Utah on behalf of Rapids/Bulldog pub fans, well, enjoy!

*Thanks to Class VI member in good standing Mr. Maxwell.

Posted by BilFish at May 1, 2007 11:16 AM